Mastectomy: The Amazon Reviews

My Christmas gift to you

★★★★★ Great value, great product!

Helped save my life.

★ Don’t waste your time (at home)

SHOULD NOT BE OUTPATIENT PROCEDURE

★★ Mixed reviews

Two stars is all I can muster, one for each breast. I read a bunch of reviews before purchasing, and honestly they made it sound pretty great (no more cancer, lower risk of recurrence, get to choose new replacement set). But once mine arrived, I couldn’t raise my arms or lift anything or drive or type for weeks. Also my sleep was terrible because I couldn’t move. Made for weird showers.

★★★★ It works

People should quit complaining. What did you think you were getting—a tropical vacation? A personal masseuse?! It does what it says it does. Do your research.

I’d recommend this to anyone debating single v. double mastectomy. If I had a nickel for every time someone offered me an unsolicited story about their friend who chose lumpectomy or single mastectomy and regretted it when cancer came back, I’d be Jeff Bezos.

★ Buyer beware

Turns out this was a double amputation, from both a physical and emotional perspective?! SMH I had no idea.

★ Works ok, could be better

Updated after purchase: still hurts 3 weeks later!! I contacted customer service and they told me this was “normal” and I had to be “patient.” So just FYI: don’t waste your money on overnight shipping because you’re gonna have to wait a LONG time anyway.

★★★ Detailed review

First, let me say that this is a solid product. It comes with a lifetime membership into A Club No One Wants To Join but everyone there seems super nice so far. Agree with previous review that it should not be outpatient (I needed a super nice nurse friend to help me remove the drains, so do not believe the clinic’s instructions that follow-up is an easy DIY at home).

I have no real complaints but I took off two stars because it is a "like it" product, not a "love it" product.

Pros: Scars are nowhere near as scary as everyone warned me they would be. The temporary replacement set that comes with the Double Mastectomy™ is way better than I thought, too. Will update this review in 6-12 months once I get the permanent replacements, but I’m already excited. (FYI I originally had the Nursed-Many-Babies™ set and you would not believe the difference.)

The compression bras you have to wear for 4 weeks are super comfy & not at all like a medieval torture device or the centuries of corsets that our foremothers fought against for liberation, so if you love constriction & claustrophobia, you’ll love this.

Cons: Comes with drains that you have to wear for two weeks & empty three times a day (super gross but luckily my spouse is a champ & my 3 year-old thought it was fascinating). Mine also came with a wound vac pump that I had to lug around for two weeks like a knock-off Hermes bag.

Like other reviewers said, it’s a loooooong recovery. Turns out you can still have pain & soreness for MONTHS, and definitely no doctor told me that but crowd-sourcing on social media reveals the truth every time, right? So once you get this, you have to rest a LOT and let people help you (but my family showed up big time & took care of me & all my kids for weeks, and so many people made us delicious food, and kind strangers keep sending delightful surprises to my doorstep, so just remember that needing help is part of being human). Flip side: you get to read a lot. In bed.

Updated 12/21/23: I initially hesitated because of the cost (financial, corporeal, existential, etc.) but this is a great way to use any leftover FSA dollars in December.

★★★★★ Perfect!

I don’t know what all these reviewers are complaining about! Everything happens for a reason, and if God closes a door, he’ll open a window, and you’re a grrl boss warrior, so just keep your chin up and be strong and look on the bright side!! Good vibes only! Make a vision board for 2024, manifest all the goodness from the universe, cut out sugar, eat clean, and you’ll NEVER need to get this anyway!!

0 people found this review helpful.

★ Internet vs. Reality

Updated: I did all the stuff the previous commenter suggested and I still needed this.

★★★★★ Works wonders

Look: at the end of the day, this gets 5 stars from me because 1) I live in a time & place where I can actually get this surgery & hopefully survive, 2) I don’t want to give my nasty aggressive cancer any chance to come back, 3) the consensus of every oncologist and surgeon made it easy to click “buy now.” Truly a Godsend.

Sure, recovery takes a long time and you’ll never be the same as you were before and you have to learn the patient art of healing, but it’s hard to put a value on getting to live the rest of your life, no matter how long it might be.

I didn’t expect to need this, but I’m super grateful it exists & it came so quickly when I needed it. Highly recommend.